(December 16, 2002)

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
No one sat at the keyboard, no one moved the mouse.
The network was down, but nobody would care,
If no wireless data flew through the air.

The children were snuggled up tight in their beds,
While visions of X-Boxes danced through their heads.
And ma in her nightgown (I mean, really - who wears a kerchief these days?),
And I in my (ball) cap
Were down in the basement, all those Disney DVD's to wrap.

When up in the den, there arose such a noise,
I sprang up the stairs, ma still hiding the toys.
And so towards the office I flew like a flash
To see if our PC had once again crashed.

The screen-saver we downloaded with the white falling snow
Still showed on our monitor, well whaddaya know?
When what should appear as I tapped the space bar?
An e-mail alert from someone afar.

From thenorthpole.com, and I read it right quick
I knew that this email must be from Saint Nick.
A note from the big guy to my family and me,
And all of the reindeer, for some reason, CC'ed.

"CC: Dasher, and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.
RE: Christmas Trip Plans, and presents for all
To be emailed this year, for to bypass the mall."

"From amazon, ebay, and yahoo.com
No need to make tracks over everyone's lawn.
We can speed up the process, and save me some cash
No need to get covered in soot and in ash."

I couldn't believe this strange turn of events
I replied to this email that Santa had sent
"To: Santa@northpole.com" I addressed
RE: This whole new-fangled E-Christmas mess!"

"I know that it's hard to lug that big pack
and I know that the Elf union is on your back.
But please, Santa, please, this will be a mistake.
And just think of all of the cookies we've baked."

"So please, Santa, come, come in person, tonight.
You can't email Christmas. It just isn't right."
And I clicked on the send button, and hoped for the best.
Then we decided we needed some rest.

We got into bed, and I said a quick prayer
For Santa, the elves, and eight tiny reindeer.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I listened intently, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
So Santa had come, and I beamed ear to ear
Till I thought of a new problem:

What about next year?