(November 7, 2002)

At a party at my house not too long ago, many of our guests and I refreshed ourselves with a popular malt beverage known as beer. Now-a-days there are all kinds of strange malt beverages out there, but we prefer to stick with the classic and forego this liquid fashion trend started so long ago by Zima (remember when Zima was nothing more than a huge, clear liquid joke?) and propounded by Skyy, Doc Otis, Tequiza, Bacardi Silver, and a myriad of others. I'm waiting for some clever brewery to adopt the slogan: Beer. The Original Malt Beverage (said 'Company', you can pay me my royalties later). Anyway, my four year old seemed intrigued by this brown-bottle phenomena and inquired if he might enjoy some beer as well.

"No," I replied, as nicely as I could, "Beer is for grown-ups."

Over the past few months I have been trying to shed some of my surplus poundage (at least some of which is directly related to the aforementioned beverage) in an attempt to improve my overall heath (and my overall looks). Part of my regimen includes the infamous 'shake for breakfast, shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner." My original problem with this plan was that while the shake is actually quite good, it did not fill me up, and soon I found myself having a 'shake with breakfast, a shake with lunch, and dinner from McDonald's. But I'm past that now, and finally have succumbed to using the shakes as instructed. My four year old seemed intrigued by this chocolate-for-breakfast phenomena and inquired if he might enjoy some Slimfast as well.

"No," I replied, as nicely as I could, "Slimfast is for grown-ups."

At a recent family event, all the parents and grandparents were gathered at table, laughing and talking and enjoying the good food and good fellowship. Of course, at these gatherings there is always the inevitable grandparent-to-grandchild interviews, featuring such timeless questions as "How is school?" and "How are you doing in soccer/ scouts/ fill-in-your-child's-area-of-interest-here?", so it was no surprise for my parents to ask my four year old another old cliché. The surprise to all of us was the answer:

My Parents: "What are you going to do when you grow up?"

My four year old: "I'm gonna drink Slimfast and beer."