There's another new television network in town, just in time for the fall season of shows. Chances are you can't get it where you live. Chances are, nobody can get it unless they come to my house, for this fall marks my first foray into the exciting world of PVR - personal video recording. Which means I can digitally record every show I want, skip every show I don't want, and watch each show whenever I want. Now, I know I could have done the same thing last year with only a VCR and the intelligence to program it successfully (I have one, but not the other - you can guess which is which), and I know that all of you Tivo users find this a little 'old hat.' But to me, it's the opportunity of a lifetime - I am the new head of NBC - in my house. NBC says, "Fraiser will be on Tuesdays this fall." I say, "No - Robbie has Cub Scouts on Tuesday - Fraiser will now be on Saturdays." They say, "We know you're going to watch Will & Grace on Thursdays at 9:00pm and ER on Thursdays at 10:00pm, so we're going to squeeze in the new dating/ reality/ comedy show Coupling and force you to watch it at 9:30pm whether you like it or not." "No," I say, "I'll record Will & Grace and ER and watch them on Sunday, and you can keep your Coupling and any of the other fifteen shows that have come and failed in that slot before." And coming later this fall on the SCBC (Shawn Cleaves Broadcasting Company) - at my house - a Friday night special Friends marathon of all first run episodes, no re-runs, so I don't have to bother trying to keep up with the story from week to week. I'll also get to fast forward through all the commercials (sorry, Herbal Essences Shampoo, Gillette, McDonald's, Ford, Ebay, Target and assorted feminine products - and I have a little secret - I was muting you all anyway).

Of course, there will be a few problems to start with the new SCBC, as any new network is prone to have. First of all (and most glaringly obvious) is that if NBC does show Fraiser on Tuesday and the SCBC shows it on Saturday, I'm going to have one heck of a time getting through a Wednesday without hearing about it, particularly if it's a really good episode. When co-workers start discussing crucial plot points and events, I'll have to find a good way to quickly dis-involve myself from the conversation. Perhaps the classic third grade standard audio-blocking technique - placing my hands firmly over my ears and reciting over and over in a loud, obnoxious voice, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" So far this is the best plan I've come up with.

Also, I may miss out on any new programming that may actually be good. So like any good network president, I'll have to screen test through a bunch of new shows that I'll probably hate just to find that 'diamond in the rough', that 'sleeper hit' of the SCBC fall lineup. I've already dismissed Coupling as a farce, though a good friend tells me the BBC version (no, the real BBC - my friend doesn't have a PVR, and his name starts with C) is pretty funny. I was a huge fan of John Larroquette on both Night Court and The John Larroquette Show, and even enjoyed him on The Incurable Collector on A&E, so I'm hoping I'll be pleased with Happy Family.

And then there's the 'outta sight, outta mind' syndrome. I beta-tested some of these ideas at the end of last season with my archaic VCR setup, and found that once I had two or three episodes 'in the can', my anticipation for the shows actually began waning instead of building. I actually lost interest in watching, almost like it was too much of a bother to get back to them. Of course, we're talking VHS style tape-loading, sifting and searching through the various (always unlabeled) cassettes for the show that I wanted. But I do think there's a slight chance that by removing the necessity to organize my schedule to watch the shows, I may end up just forgetting about some of them altogether - unlike the real head of NBC, I have a life - and a full time job. I've already heard of several cases where increased Tivo usage actually resulted in decreased TV viewing for this precise reason.

I do have the ability now to record two different shows at the same time, which is cool, but what if the unthinkable happens and each one of the 'big three' has a show on that I need, all at the same time? Maybe I'll try to annex one or two of my neighbor's TVs and PVR's as well. After all, a growing television network needs all the resources it can get, right?

So far the SCBC fall line-up includes all my favorites: West Wing and ER (although ER seems to be in need of resuscitation itself these days), Ed (which is now facing the one horrifying writers' jungle that has never been successfully navigated by any other show - they put the boy and the girl together. I predict one of two things - they'll either realize what they've done and split them both apart again in a hurry, or they will sink like a stone), Friends (against my better judgment - they should have ended last year like they promised. And they better put Ross and Rachel back together at the end or I'm going to fly out to Hollywood and beat up some writers), Will & Grace, and Fraiser (which, as an avid Cheers fan, I have to watch no matter how bad it gets). Plus generous portions of Cheers, Seinfeld, Wings, and Home Improvement. Yes, you read right. See, now that I'm in control, I can PVR these (yes, I'm using it as a verb now) from TBS, WGN, TVland and Nick-at-Nite and import them right into my schedule. Let's face it, many many episodes of these great classics are far better than any of the current fare. Or maybe I'm just getting old. Anyway, control is a beautiful thing here at the SCBC.

Now, my wife thinks that I put too much stock in all this TV viewing stuff. Interestingly enough, she's always the first one right there beside me on the couch when the opening themes start to play. I guess that means she doesn't think that it's all bad...