Editorial:
Welcome Back!

Among the more dubious Disney distinctions I claim (including giving one of my boys the middle name of Harper - if you don't know why, look it up) are my two false front teeth. Completely made of porcelain, they are fastened with some sort of dental epoxy to the little stubs that used to be my real front teeth before I busted them out with a stantion pole rolling up after the 9:00 ELP one balmy summer night.

If you've ever been on Roll Out Crew, and have been 'stantioner,' you've no doubt come close to having this particular mishap happen to you. The stantion pole becomes lodged in the plug hole, usually due to an excessive vacuum caused by the presence of an interesting liquid comprised of rainwater, and that water they spray after the parks are closed, and bits of any soft drinks spilled in the area that day, a liquid we affectionately call 'plug juice' (if you've never had a PAC shift you'll swear I'm making this up). Anyway, the pole was stuck, and I wrapped my arms around it and bent down close to it, and pulled hard, lifting the pole right into my mouth shattering my two front choppers.

If you've ever been on Roll Out Crew, you know that rolling 'out' is fun - rolling 'in' is a race against death. As slowly as the parade actually moves, to be behind it quickly removing all the ropes and stantions, and plugging the plug holes (always a woman's job - man, we were a sexist bunch) was to be incredibly rushed - the idea was that all the guests blindly following the parade (for what reason I do not know) would impale themselves on stantions and ropes if we didn't remove them post haste. So when I shattered my teeth right at the Liberty Square/ Frontierland border, the only thing I could think about was getting to the next pole - I didn't have time for the pain. 'Till the parade was over. Then I made a hasty retreat to First Aid, where they gave me some aspirin, let me spit the blood out of my mouth (which had been closed since the incident) and told me to see my dentist in the morning. I made it back to Pecos Bill's in time to Roll Out for the 11:00 ELP (what a trooper).

Why am I telling you all this? Because after all that I still like ELP more than Spectro.

Flash forward to the first night of Spectro - I was again on Roll Out Crew, we were all anticipating this 'new,' 'wonderful,' 'fiber optic' parade. Then it came - the music was syrupy and techno at the same time -  not nearly as catchy or welcoming as Baroque Hoe-down. Then, far in the distance, two of the scariest 'Chuckie from Child's Play' dolls atop spinning balls that I just knew used to be cute snails and bees. They had a frightening shrill high pitched laugh, too. I think I actually saw a couple kids cry and back away. I know I did. I wasn't alone in my opinion, either - cast and guests alike agreed when it was over: Spectro sucked.

So it is with open arms and a glad heart that I welcome back the ultimate night-time entertainment - I can almost see the Blue Fairy coming down the street now. "We love you Blue Fairy," I would have the people at my crosswalk say, as I bowed low at her arrival. Man, those were the days.

Welcome Back, ELP.

Now, if only they'd open the Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes back up...

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